How to figure out the details?

Burroway has a lot of valuable information about details used in fiction writing. There is such an emphasis on the use of detail. I like Burroway’s thoughts because she goes deeper than average into the “whys” and “hows” of writing with good detail. I like how she says,

“And this is a more difficult task, because written words are symbols representing

sounds, and the sounds themselves are symbols representing things, actions, quali- ties, spatial relationships, and so on. Written words are thus at two removes from experience.” (p. 78)

These helped me to gain a different perspective as far as my approach to writing goes. The number one priority in writing is to create a believable circumstance. The most important word in that last sentence is “believable” because you can write hundreds and hundreds of pages of writing, but if it’s not believable your audience won’t engage. Burroway talks about the importance of using concrete details, which are details that your audience can “taste”, “smell”, and “hear”, etc. She also writes that choosing the “right” details is extremely important. This is where I get lost because I just don’t feel like I know what the right details are. The other day I was trying to describe my living room for one of my fiction exercises. As I was looking around the cluttered room I knew so well nothing stood out. There was no beacon of light shining in the darkness that called to me, “Put me in your description!” No I had no moment of epiphany. I ended up scribbling down details about the curtains and the stains on the carpets. What is an important detail? What kinds of details are the ones that grab hearts and call minds to attention?

When I read through the works of fiction for class the details stood out to me. They are things that are so seemingly unimportant; the details in life that are almost taken for granted. When I am cooking eggs I know that there is a smell that exudes from the grease, pepper, salt, and the eggs themselves. I know that the pan makes a crisp, crackling sound when the eggs make first contact. I also know that egg whites change color rapidly from a clear, gooey yellow to a pristine, solid white. I know all these details, but they don’t occur to me in a true sense. It is almost as if they only bombard my subconscious.

Sometimes I feel like there are too many details and in that moment choosing the one that gets the most priority seems intimidating. After reading Burroway I realized that you can change the feel of your story drastically simply by changing your details. Burroway gives two different descriptions of “Debbie” that each exudes the same characteristics, but in distinctive ways. In the first description Burroway writes,

         “Debbie would wear a tank top to a tea party if she pleased, with fluorescent

         earrings and ankle-strap sandals.

         ‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Mrs. Chiddister would stand in the doorway wringing her hands.

         ‘It's not nice.’

           ‘Not who?’ Debbie would say, and add a fringed belt.” (p. 80)

In this description Debbie seems rebellious and spoiled. Later Burroway gives us a different description,

         “One day Debbie brought home a copy of Ulysses. Mrs. Strum called it "filth" and

         threw it across the sunporch. Debbie knelt on the parquet and retrieved her

         bookmark, which she replaced. ‘No, it's not,’ she said.

         ‘You're not so old I can't take a strap to you!’ Mr. Strum reminded her.” (p. 81)

Debbie seems much more quiet and less offensive. She seems small while her father lords over her. However, she still retains the defiance that the previous Debbie displays. We see this in her statement, “No, it’s not.” Both versions of Debbie display defiance, but they do it in distinct ways.  That is why I want to get a handle on my details. Right now I feel like my details are wild animals that are all running about in chaos. I wish to find the means to build a corral and herd them into what I want to say.

         Speaking of “corrals” reminds me of the story “Close Range” by Annie Proulx. Let me start off by saying that this story disturbed me. The ending was sad and creepy. Proulx told an interesting tale and at first I had no idea what was going on. It was only in the last few paragraphs that all the details came together for me. And Proulx used great details. In first paragraph I loved when she wrote about the scenery saying, “The wild country- indigo jags of mountain, grassy plain everlasting, tumbled stones like fallen cities, the flaring roll of sky- provokes a spiritual shudder.” (p. 99) This is just beautiful language that paints a picture, not only of the physical aspects of the landscape, but also the feeling the landscape evokes. The details in this sentence also speak of the whole story. The word “jag” reminds me of a knife and “everlasting” reminds of how Ras would be maimed, in more than one way, for his life. His scars were “everlasting”. And when Proulx says, “provokes a spiritual shudder”, I think about the shudder that went through me at the end of the story. This one sentence is like a mini foreshadowing of all the following events. Good details are a great way to tie the whole story together.

         “Point and Line” by Thalia Field also had some great details in her story. I like Field’s story because she takes an extremely boring event and pumps it full of life. Throughout the whole story she is sitting in what seems to be a therapist’s office and nobody is talking. This goes on for a whole hour, but I was not bored. There is so much activity going on in the character’s mind that it doesn’t even matter that nothing actually happens in the story. One of my favorite parts of this story is when Field writes,

         “A moth saw a flame and thought what it saw was its heart and it said, ‘What is my

         heart doing over there, away from me?’ And believing that it could not be whole

         without an organ it never even used, the moth dove toward it, hoping to reabsorb it

         in open surgery, but instead there was a sound as empty as a lit match extinguished

         on water, and in an instant the heart that had stood away from the moth became the

         central unimagined ecstasy the moth couldn’t live without.”

When I read this I felt like it was a prefect example of a random thought that occurs in the mind when you let your mind wander. I was reminded of myself when I read this because I have weird thoughts like this all the time. I don’t know what connection this small story has to the whole, but I think it is a great little story in and of itself. I love how the moth is being personified and how it is questioning and longing for more. Maybe it is true that moths think that the light is the their heart. I mean the light must be a powerful object in their perception. I love how Field makes some important points through this small story. When she writes, “And believing that it could not be whole without an organ it never even used,” I got to thinking about how we humans think that way often. We think we need something to be complete, but it truly is unnecessary. Why fix something that is not broken? I love the line; “there was a sound as empty as a lit match extinguished on water.” This line is almost anticlimactic. The moth goes in for the light with hope and expectation and he just dies. There is no ceremony. He just dies.  I love that I can hear the sizzle of the match and that it directly connects, in my mind, to a vivid picture of the zapped moth. It is a great use of imagery.

The RIGHT details are Important!

After I read the micro-fiction in the fiction packet I have to say that I was a little disappointed. I just felt uninspired and I got to thinking about why this was. I think the lack of character development in these extremely short stories was a put-off for me. I felt like there was nothing to get invested in or to understand. I enjoy reading novels that are thousands of pages long and that are part of a series. I like to spend time getting to know the characters in a story and I will even trudge through a dull beginning in order to be rewarded with a greatly detailed story in which, I am fully invested. Some of my favorite authors, who write like this, include: Charlotte Bronte, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, and Christopher Paolini. I love stories that are full of description and beauty that allow me to feel like I am stepping into a painting or crossing an impermeable boundary. So, with that said, these works of micro-fiction rubbed me the wrong way because I expected there to be more of a story. On the other hand, this collection of extremely short stories stretched me as a reader and hopefully as a writer. 
I enjoyed the story, Survivors, by Kim Addonizio because I did get to see some character development. Throughout the short story I learned about this couple. I entered their world and I feel like I didn't even have to move. I didn't go on a journey or learn their traits through a process of events, but I still have a sense of who they are. I liked the line, "He wanted to be first because he did not want to have to take care of his lover's parrot or deal with his lover's family..." When I first started reading this story I thought that this was kind of horrid. It felt to me like the guy couldn't be bothered to do the dirty work and ultimately like he was unwilling to sacrifice for his lover. However, as the story continued the statement came to be fleshed out and I realized that this man was simply exhausted. The man had a disease that was sucking the life out of him. His lover had an exhausting unrelenting family and an annoying bird. This guy just did not had the will to deal with it all. I love how Addonizio showed me a picture of thier life in such a short amount of words. I got a small snapshot of their lives without any plot development. There is so much to learn from Addonizio's description. She tells a whole life story with the use of careful words and details. It is so amazing to me how she helped me know this character in so short a space. 
It especially amazing to me because I am so long-winded when I write. I feel like I have to flesh out every detail and say things in so many different ways in order to help my audience understand. I always want to say more and oftentimes that gets me into trouble because I end up repeating myself. Addonizio  only used a few specific details and it was clear to me what she was saying.  
Another story that I thought was interesting was "Walking the Baby to the Liquor Store". To begin with, the title through me through a loop. Why would anyone want to take their baby to a liquor store? It think this is a great attention getter. It turns out that this writer created a loving ritual out of something that most people would consider taboo. I would not think taking my child to the liquor store would be a good idea. But this man enjoys his daily ritual and so does his little girl. He writes, "The baby adores going to the liquor store. In her infant mind there is, perhaps, nothing so beautiful or significant in this world as sitting up in her yellow stroller and rolling bravely west toward some exotically remote BUNNY'S..." In his story he ends up making a statement about the importance of enjoying the little things in life. His daughter loves to simply take a walk to the liquor store each day. He believes that everyone should take time out of their days in order to enjoy their world. I like how he used something sort of taboo to make a truly valuable point. Children grow up so fast and it is so important to experience every moment you can with them.
Leigh Hancock wrote a piece of micro-fiction "Molibi". This piece inspired such sadness in me. One of the lines I liked was, "I want to describe her in flowing adjectives, to protect her against an inevitable life of maize stamping and childlugging." I like the description here because it is only a couple of words, but it describes a whole piece of history. Hancock also used great description when she states, "These things demand wide hips and square shoulders, a jaw that can clench and a soul that dog-shakes disappointments like water." I can imagine a dog shaking the water off. All the water sprays in every different direction. There is such vivid imagery in all of Hancock's sentences and it paints a touchable picture. I think this is a fearful story. I am happy for Molibi and I am sad for her. I don't think that the emotions matter as much as the fact that I actually feel for this character after only reading a small amount of words. 
So it turns out that I proved myself wrong in some cases. Mirco-fiction does have space to help you feel invested in a character, but it needs to be well done.

I will go looking for me...

"Writing a first draft is very much like watching a Polaroid develop. You can't- in fact, you're not supposed to- know exactly what the picture is going to look like until it has finished developing." Lammott proposes that I can't know what I'm going to write when I start writing, but that I am supposed to write anyways. I guess this sort of freaks me out because I like to go into the stories that I write with a plan in mind. In life I am a "go with the flow" kind of person. I have plans in general, but I am not worried if those plans need to change in order to accommodate unanticipated circumstances. Throughout my learning experience I have found that there is an ongoing critique of all my writing. Almost every teacher said I lacked organization in my writing. So I guess it's my tendency to get all fired up about having a plan, otherwise my writing might just be unorganized yet again. After reading these chapters by Lammott I feel a little more relaxed about my future writing assignments and endeavors. I can see how writing should be natural like life. 

My son- Isaac

The emphasis on character that Lammott writes about feels right to me. By that I mean that I feel that writing should be about the characters, not the plot. Lammott writes, "every single one of us at birth is given an emotional acre all our own." This makes me think about my five-month old son, Isaac. He is his own little person and he has his own little moods. Some people think that babies are all the same, but the reality is that every child is unique, no two are the same. That is one of the reasons why it is so hard to take of babies! Why should writing be any different than life. Every character that I write about will inevitably have his or her own personality and finding that personality will take time because getting to know people takes time. Getting to know ourselves takes time. Lammott writes, "You are going to love some of your characters, because they are you or some facet of you." All of my writing comes from within so how can I deny that my characters are part of me. I love that writing is a very concrete way of getting to know yourself. Many times I feel like I don't know myself and I feel helpless to find a way to learn about me. What does it even mean to "look inward"? Writing is nice because it can guide me into the caverns of my heart where I can gain knowledge about who I am. Who I am will come out in my writing, if I let it out. 
We can only write what we know because writing anything other than that would be lying and Lammott warns against lying in writing.  She says you won't get away with it.
John Gardner says, "that the writer is creating a dream into which he or she invites the reader, and that the dream must be vivid and continuous." Nobody wants to read a dull novel. I would know because I read boring textbooks every day in order to accomplish my assignments. I have a desire to keep my audience attentive and doing that takes being "vivid and continuous". I love when Lammott writes, "Outside the classroom, you don't get to sit next to your readers and explain the little things you left out, or fill in details that would have made the action more interesting or believable." I love how Lammott takes a lesson and puts fresh perspective on it. I have heard bunches of teachers say over and over again that I need to pay attention to detail. I have never felt the importance of detail until now. Nobody can truly understand the world inside my head or how I perceive my reality, but I can try my hardest to describe it. In order to allow people to see what I see I need as much detail as possible to "show and not tell." Lammott tells us that details are important, but she also emphasizes the need to insert details appropriately. 
When Lammott talks about dialogue she says that it is important to have compassion for your characters, even your villain. Every character that I create is actually a part of me. That means that I undoubtedly can understand them unless I cannot understand myself. In order to have great dialogue it is essential that I know my characters. It all goes back to getting to know my characters and spending time trying to learn their voices. Every character has a different personality and therefore a different voice. That means they all say different things in their own way. It is my job to listen to my characters to find their different voices. 
I am actually excited to start writing a story. I feel like getting to know characters and myself should be an interesting experience. I realize that it may not be as fun as it seems right now, but I am up for a challenge. I am willing to fail so that I can eventually create something great.

Some thoughts...

My MacBook

Mass of electronics like an avalanche, invade the world
We are an almost dependent species
Ongoing, endless, limitless amount
But I see one that shines the Brightest
Smooth sliver expanse disrupted, indent of unpredicted dimise
Screen holds memories, remnants of passion
I can dance to the rhythms it holds secretly inside
Fingerprints unique to me grace keys A, B, C
Held in protective wear like it's wrapped in a rainbow
Blackness dimmed to gray, perfection tainted
Dirty between cracks elegantly placed
Beautiful story written in day by day use
Displayed on all sides, inside and out, of my helpful device
No longer one of the masses
Set apart in my touch and in my handling



She thought she might fly...

Her lanky arms were wings which helped her soar
She jumped 10 stories off tall building's edge and landed on her skinny feet
Bright sun
Whoosh!
Wind sliding over skin
almost taste asphalt in mouth   almost
scent of fresh grilled hot dogs cooking at street corner stand
New York is the place for jumping off buildings
Lady Liberty is nice company so far above ground
Those feet aren't skinny, they are wide as my Aunt Gertude's ass
There were flowers feasting on sunshine on her way down
everyone thought she was "cray-cray"
They also say that if you follow your heart your dreams will come true!!
Aight. Don't dis! Be easy. That girl got a fresh perspective. She ain't buggin.
She may have been drowning in the sky for all we know
Lyssie loves that girl for showing her hope
She will bring more than hope for those whose ear hear at new pitch
Soft concrete provides strengthened courage... or maybe it is the dense air
All people can fly
Pero es necesario esperar a que el momento adecuado!
The atmosphere will call your name
Trust.

From Carla Sonheim Snowball Journals

F

Hurricanes

Patricia Smith is a pretty amazing writer! I have a new appreciation for poetry that I never before anticipated. Smith captured the essence of the build-up and the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Her writing was raw and real so it jumped off the page and helped me to have a new understanding of the pain and anger that many of the survivors of Katrina may have experienced. I love how this writing represents the culture of New Orleans. I felt as though I could smell the food and see the houses. I could feel the rhythm of life in the New Orleans Smith was describing. There are a few parts of Blood Dazzler that I enjoyed and stood out to me. Katrina was a horrible disaster and I believe that Patricia Smith truly highlighted the despair and exhaustion that was the effect merited by the terrible cause. 

One of my favorite poems in Blood Dazzler is a poem called "What to Tweak." Smith takes some emails written by the Federal Emergency Management Agency and writes about them in a rather intriguing way. I love the style that she uses in this poem. She takes a few lines from the emails and interprets them, showing them instead of telling them. One of my favorite lines is, "The demon has chapped their rusty ankles, reddened the throats of babies, smashed homes to mist" (p. 26). Patricia uses raw and real images here. When I think of any damage being done to a child their is a sort of anger that rises in me simply because they are the most venerable members of humanity. They cannot protect themselves and sometimes we cannot protect them either. The image of a baby with a "redden throat" is not only sad, but inspires rage. I love that Smith says, "smashed homes to mist." Most people would say that a house is smashed to bits or pieces, but Smith says mist. I think the idea of concrete and wood being reduced to essentially nothing is powerful. Misty disappears as quickly as it comes. This line also speaks of the fragility of the man-made structures compared to the wrath of Katrina. The homes simply were destroyed as if they meant nothing. All the hard work was lost in a second. throughout the poem Smith uses very extreme examples to show that the situation was far more extreme than the DMAT staff could say with his professional words. After the horrible situation is mostly explained Brown states, "Anything specific I need to do or tweak?" (p. 28) I can feel her anger in this last line even though she says nothing. After all of the things specified in the poem how can there even be a question of what needs to be done. 

I also love the way Smith describes Katrina as a monster with a personality. In the first poem of the book Smith writes, "I become a mouth, thrashing hair, an overdone eye" (p. 1). Katrina is a monster that wants to destroy everything in her path. In the poem Katrina states, "I will require praise, unbridled winds to define my body" (p. 1) I think that Smith sees Katrina as something that needs to be respected, but I believe she respects out of fear. Later on Katrina becomes a category 5 hurricane and Smith writes, "Now officially a bitch, I'm confounded by words- all I've ever been is starving, fluid, and noise" (p. 11). I think Katrina is explained as an enemy that no one could have fought. Katrina is made human by Smith maybe so that Smith could try to make sense of what happened. Maybe Smith was looking for closure and she made the storm into something she could understand- a woman.

The culture throughout the book is wonderful and it gives the book a genuine feel. I can feel the realness of the situation and I know that Smith feelings are actually a result of her experience. Smith writes, "Their hard-pressed hair is topped with every manner of church hat- ski-sloped satin, velvet, or brocade crowns adorned with glittered netting, babbling florals, even stunned fake bluebirds" (p. 17). I don't know much about the New Orleans culture, but I can see part of it when I read the description of these hats. I also like how voodoo is a theme throughout the book. It is a big part of the culture of the city to use "magick". Patricia writes, "This is why we stumble into stinging neon showers of beads, feathers, and voodoo figurines- because we need to hurt in public, throw up a little in a ghosted alley, close pert mouths around the cocks of strangers" (p. 6). I like this line because it shows the behind-the-scenes look at life in New Orleans. We all know New Orleans as a place to party and have a great time, almost like Las Vegas, but we don't see what it's really like to have lived there. Smith shows us her point of view and it is so genuine. Her poetry uses beautiful details like "neon showers" or "beads and feathers." It is the details that paint the picture for us, the outsiders, and helps us understand what the author is trying to say.